Well I didn't fall off the wagon on purpose. I had another colon blockage. I accidentally glutenized myself on the 4th and my entire insides were completely off balance and the intestinal flora was compromised. So after I though I was getting better I got a blockage. Unlike the first in Jan on my right side, it was on my left side this time. Not only did I have a blockage I was told that I had diverticulitis. So my doctor recommended I eat liquids for several days and then start on a semi liquid, mush diet. So deom about the 17th until now the 24th. I think I will continue this until my guts start to heal themselves and I can reintroduce more solid like food in my diet.
So as soon as I start feeling better I will get back on the wagon and start regularly posting about my diet journey. :)
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
My addiction. My life. My mantra.
You are as sick as your disease.
I want to be alone with my disease.
I am a food addict.
My health issues have made it difficult to do a lot of physical things.
My husband is my enabler and brings me my food because I need to eat and it makes me happy.
I am not happy, because I make bad food choices and he brings them to me.
I have a love hate relationship with food.
Sometimes I get mad at him because he brings me bad food, but if he didn't I would argue and fight with him... because of the disease and the addiction.
My own past has made it easy to hide in “victim” mode.
My parents were divorced before I was able to speak... My grandparents raised me.
Growing up being called fat when I was 130 pounds at 16 years old was devastating. My waist was 27 inches and my bust and hips were 36... I was completely crushed and violated my body with alcohol and sex.
I was molested... I was told that it was my fault.
My gram used to hide food in the freezer and in her night stand.
I was divorced twice.
My health...polymyalgia rheumatica, fibromyalgia, diabetes type 2, asthma...constant pain in my muscles making me feel like I just worked out... (So why haven't I?)
(above are just a few of the things that I could use for excuses of me being overweight)
I am going to recharge myself, my life, and start to love the person I am.
Not the food I put into my mouth. The food I put into me is only fuel for me to sustain my life.
I need to be accountable for who I am, what I am, and how I am.
I forgive myself for becoming overweight. I truly forgive myself.
I forgive others for hurting me and myself for letting them.
I want to live. I want to be healthy and be happy again. :)
How to start losing weight and how to succeed.
Mindset or Mantra:
There is no try, try doesn't exist. Only doing and not doing. Try gives the option to fail.
So there should be no “fail” in the dictionary because of you do something and it does not come out the way you expected you still have learned something. You still have grown in some way, you still have achieved something in some way. Whether it was what you wanted or not is irrelevant.
So if there is no try and there is no fail, then what is there?
There is the present.
The past does not exist, the future is an illusion. All there is is now, if the past existed there would be a 5 year old you here, and an eight year old you etc...
The past only exists in our brains. How we remember it. The past is also incredibly subjective.
The future is a projection of our minds. The future is now, and now, and now.
The future that we project with our brains is not in existence. We can contemplate the future, and based on past experiences and pattern recognition we can gather information and make a prediction for the future. It can be really accurate... But we do not know the future and the future does not exist.
All that exists is now.
So if there is no fail and there is no try all you can do is right now to lose weight...
And later when it is now, you can do something to lose weight.
And now, and now...
All that matters is now...
There is no need to worry about what you did yesterday or this morning... You ate a chocolate cake, man that sucks, but you can only do something now...
And how can you not do that again?
You want to work out? Go work out. If that doesn't work, then work out later.
Make a plan, and do it when it comes.
Do it now, do the plan now. So when the time comes, the plan is doing...
You can plan for months, but only when you start doing will anything clearly happen.
Day Two July 12, 2011
I am pretty sure I stayed within my carb range today. I did eat some cottage cheese and cream cheese.
My exercise was null... I have a super pain in my right side, I am not sure what it is at this time... It is not a "normal" fibro pain... but whatever "normal" is I have not been in a very long time.
I started the day off by posting funny jokes on some of my fav peoples FB pages.
I try to be "happy" or in a good mood everyday, even tho it may not last throughout the day, at least I tried. :)
I try to be non judgmental, and generous, and grateful everyday as well. I want to say "F*CK HATE"!
It is too easy to hate, loving and giving should be easier and more fulfilling to people.
Well I am not sure what else to say today so I will leave it at that.
Today was post a picture of yourself now, and then post a picture of what you want to be...
It is easy to see what I want to be takes hard work and dedication, but I am willing to start and give it a chance.
My exercise was null... I have a super pain in my right side, I am not sure what it is at this time... It is not a "normal" fibro pain... but whatever "normal" is I have not been in a very long time.
I started the day off by posting funny jokes on some of my fav peoples FB pages.
I try to be "happy" or in a good mood everyday, even tho it may not last throughout the day, at least I tried. :)
I try to be non judgmental, and generous, and grateful everyday as well. I want to say "F*CK HATE"!
It is too easy to hate, loving and giving should be easier and more fulfilling to people.
Well I am not sure what else to say today so I will leave it at that.
Today was post a picture of yourself now, and then post a picture of what you want to be...
It is easy to see what I want to be takes hard work and dedication, but I am willing to start and give it a chance.
Day One July 11, 2011
I am on Atkins diet and only trying to eat a maximum of 20 or less carbs a day.
I did not exercise other than the three trips down and up the stairs...
I say this is day one even tho I have been on Atkins for close to a week, because I have incorporated the "vice busting diet" in my daily activities. Even tho it is not a "diet" per say it is a motivational push for me and I guess I need to gain momentum. I started at 246.2 and the whole week I have been weighing myself which is very very bad, but have gained 5-6 pounds!! I was freaking out, but I was also swollen so it was I am sure mostly water weight. I am back to 246 after a week of "dieting" and again at day one. I have written some inspirational things over my past 2 year journey of extreme weight gain and being in constant pain. I will have to look those up and post them. :)
I guess as most bloggers out there, this is not for anyone special. I am not writing this to become famous or to be rich...I am writing this to be accountable for what I am doing and maybe get some inspiration from fellow dieters and/or people who are in chronic pain such as myself.
I did not exercise other than the three trips down and up the stairs...
I say this is day one even tho I have been on Atkins for close to a week, because I have incorporated the "vice busting diet" in my daily activities. Even tho it is not a "diet" per say it is a motivational push for me and I guess I need to gain momentum. I started at 246.2 and the whole week I have been weighing myself which is very very bad, but have gained 5-6 pounds!! I was freaking out, but I was also swollen so it was I am sure mostly water weight. I am back to 246 after a week of "dieting" and again at day one. I have written some inspirational things over my past 2 year journey of extreme weight gain and being in constant pain. I will have to look those up and post them. :)
I guess as most bloggers out there, this is not for anyone special. I am not writing this to become famous or to be rich...I am writing this to be accountable for what I am doing and maybe get some inspiration from fellow dieters and/or people who are in chronic pain such as myself.
The begining...
I have gained so much weight since I have moved to Sweden. My last trip to America in 2009 was when it all seemed to start. I was so sick and swollen when I arrived in USA after visiting Sweden. It was around the swine flu time and I was swabbed and tested negative at the hospital, I had taken a course of antibiotics which did not seem to help, and went to my family doctor which prescribed more antibiotics and another swab for H1N1 and it was also negative... The second round of antibiotics was a double dose of two different kinds of antibiotics because they did not know why I was sick... I had gained the most weight at that time... I was up to 265-270 and was so miserable that I had gained so much weight in such a short period of time.
I moved to Sweden in Dec 2009 and had been having all sorts of phantom pains and ailments which took me to the emergency room more often than I had liked, it kept me almost completely bedridden. I was able to use the bathroom facilities and shower/bathe...other than that I could not walk far, I could not do hardly anything...
After ingesting and processing so much medical crap on the internet I finally asked my Doctor to take a thyroid test which I found out I have hypothyroidism. I am also a type II diabetic. Among a list of other wonderful things.
My ailments are as follows:
Depression
Anxiety
EDS
Fibromyalgia
Polymyalgia
Diabetes II
Insomnia
I am extremely overweight and am completely out of shape. I am able to do a lot more than I have in the past 2 years... which is friggin fabulous to me. But of course, I want more.
Links to Swedish Atkins & Vice Busting Diet
You can also go to the American Atkins site
I moved to Sweden in Dec 2009 and had been having all sorts of phantom pains and ailments which took me to the emergency room more often than I had liked, it kept me almost completely bedridden. I was able to use the bathroom facilities and shower/bathe...other than that I could not walk far, I could not do hardly anything...
After ingesting and processing so much medical crap on the internet I finally asked my Doctor to take a thyroid test which I found out I have hypothyroidism. I am also a type II diabetic. Among a list of other wonderful things.
My ailments are as follows:
Depression
Anxiety
EDS
Fibromyalgia
Polymyalgia
Diabetes II
Insomnia
I am extremely overweight and am completely out of shape. I am able to do a lot more than I have in the past 2 years... which is friggin fabulous to me. But of course, I want more.
Links to Swedish Atkins & Vice Busting Diet
You can also go to the American Atkins site
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