My addiction. My life. My mantra.

You are as sick as your disease.

I want to be alone with my disease.

I am a food addict.

My health issues have made it difficult to do a lot of physical things.

My husband is my enabler and brings me my food because I need to eat and it makes me happy.

I am not happy, because I make bad food choices and he brings them to me.

I have a love hate relationship with food.

Sometimes I get mad at him because he brings me bad food, but if he didn't I would argue and fight with him... because of the disease and the addiction.

My own past has made it easy to hide in “victim” mode.

My parents were divorced before I was able to speak... My grandparents raised me.

Growing up being called fat when I was 130 pounds at 16 years old was devastating. My waist was 27 inches and my bust and hips were 36... I was completely crushed and violated my body with alcohol and sex.

I was molested... I was told that it was my fault.

My gram used to hide food in the freezer and in her night stand.

I was divorced twice.

My health...polymyalgia rheumatica, fibromyalgia, diabetes type 2, asthma...constant pain in my muscles making me feel like I just worked out... (So why haven't I?)

(above are just a few of the things that I could use for excuses of me being overweight)

I am going to recharge myself, my life, and start to love the person I am.

Not the food I put into my mouth. The food I put into me is only fuel for me to sustain my life.

I need to be accountable for who I am, what I am, and how I am.

I forgive myself for becoming overweight. I truly forgive myself.

I forgive others for hurting me and myself for letting them.

I want to live. I want to be healthy and be happy again. :)

How to start losing weight and how to succeed.

Mindset or Mantra:

There is no try, try doesn't exist. Only doing and not doing. Try gives the option to fail.

So there should be no “fail” in the dictionary because of you do something and it does not come out the way you expected you still have learned something. You still have grown in some way, you still have achieved something in some way. Whether it was what you wanted or not is irrelevant.

So if there is no try and there is no fail, then what is there?

There is the present.

The past does not exist, the future is an illusion. All there is is now, if the past existed there would be a 5 year old you here, and an eight year old you etc...

The past only exists in our brains. How we remember it. The past is also incredibly subjective.

The future is a projection of our minds. The future is now, and now, and now.

The future that we project with our brains is not in existence. We can contemplate the future, and based on past experiences and pattern recognition we can gather information and make a prediction for the future. It can be really accurate... But we do not know the future and the future does not exist.

All that exists is now.

So if there is no fail and there is no try all you can do is right now to lose weight...

And later when it is now, you can do something to lose weight.

And now, and now...

All that matters is now...

There is no need to worry about what you did yesterday or this morning... You ate a chocolate cake, man that sucks, but you can only do something now...

And how can you not do that again?

You want to work out? Go work out. If that doesn't work, then work out later.

Make a plan, and do it when it comes.

Do it now, do the plan now. So when the time comes, the plan is doing...

You can plan for months, but only when you start doing will anything clearly happen.